Not a traditional Djinn
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Ranma actually gets to make a wish without outside interference. ByeBye Nerima, hello Jade.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own no anime series or any cartoon series for that matter.

**Package deal**

Ranma stared at the man in front of him.

He was a rather large man with arms the size of tree trunks and a gleaming bald head, in fact the bronzed figure seem to be completely devoid of hair, not to mention legs…

Ranma looked down at the old Arabic lamp he held and the smoke trailing from its spout to the hovering figure.

"Genie, right?" He asked cautiously. Ranma had learned the hard way that just assuming you're right about something was a bad idea when it came to magic.

The towering figure responded in a booming voice. "I am the Genie of the lamp. You have woken me from my slumber by rubbing my lamp. I grant three wishes, no more, no less."

Ranma winced. Waking magical beings from slumber was usually a very bad idea.

The Genie's booming laugh filled the Tendo's dojo. "It's not a problem mortal. I was just taking a nap before dinner. Fear not, I bear you no malice or ill will."

"I don't fear nothin'." Ranma shot back, automatically responding to the perceived insult.

The Genie just grinned and spoke in a softer tone. "I already know of your fears young one, including the neko-ken. I was just assuring you that I seek not to harm you and indeed shall aid you as much as the rules allow."

Ranma relaxed a bit, pleasantly surprised that his chance foot-in-mouth disease hadn't screwed him over once again.

"I studied your file and reviewed your life before appearing here before you, so unless you really make an effort to offend me, I'll take no offense at your words."

"I have a file?" Ranma asked curiously.

"I had some wind spirits investigate your life, while I stood in the mists of time, watching you grow from child to man."

"You watched my entire life?" The martial artist asked incredulously.

"Just the highlights and a bit here and there. Being a master of time and space has many perks. I am not all-powerful, however as even I have some limitations. I cannot bring the dead back to life, nor can I kill someone directly, although I can grant someone powers they can be used to kill. I advise against it however. Few indeed are the situations that are improved by killing someone. I can also not interfere in matters of the heart. Love must be won or lost by an individuals own actions. The reason for this is simple, to alter someone's mind that greatly is to kill who they are."

"Huh?" Ranma asked, completely lost in the philosophical tangent things had seemed to head off into.

The Genie sighed. "Let me give you an example. Say you wished for Kasumi to be a stripper..."

Ranma interrupted. "Nope! Not wishing that. No way, no how! I don't think it's even possible."

The Genie chuckled and snapped his fingers. The two figures vanished for a moment before reappearing once more none the worse for wear except possibly a very red faced Ranma. "Where humans are concerned, anything is possible. Now as I was saying if you wished Kasumi were a stripper..."

Ranma interrupted again. "That wasn't Kasumi. She looked like Kasumi and even sounded like Kasumi, but there was no way that was Kasumi! She had glitter on her..." his voice trailed off.

The Genie nodded. "Exactly. That was NOT your Kasumi. By the way, you have some glitter on your face."

Ranma quickly brushed at his face, fighting back a blush. "Did I get it?"

The magical being shook his head. "It's nearly impossible to remove glitter that easily, even with magical powers. It's probably why they use it. She was marking you so the other girls would stay away. Apparently she liked you."

He snapped his fingers "Most of it's gone and you can pop out the nose plugs now."

"Thanks. The nose plugs were a good idea." Ranma's face had regained its former tone.

"Well if you'd bled to death it'd still be considered using my powers to kill someone. You can keep the plugs." He added quickly, as Ranma tried to hand them back.

"Now, as I was saying, if you wished Kasumi were a stripper I couldn't grant your wish because..." he trailed off questioningly.

Ranma nodded. "Because she wouldn't be Kasumi. The girl I met isn't Kasumi as I know her. She is a completely different Kasumi and changing Kasumi here into Kasumi there would be basically killing Kasumi here and replacing her with Kasumi-There."

The Genie smiled broadly. "Exactly."

"So what happened to her? Something horrible had to have happened to change her that much."

The Genie shook his head. "Life isn't an afternoon special, my friend. Stripping isn't something evil and nothing traumatic has to drive you into doing it. In fact, that Kasumi became a stripper because something traumatic failed to happen."

"Really?" Ranma asked "Like what?"

"Mrs. Tendo didn't die."

"How did her mom not dying turn her into a stripper?" He asked incredulously.

"Well, since her mom didn't die she had a much more normal life. Her father didn't stop teaching and concentrated on training Akane, as the heir to the school. Her mother ended up much more involved in Nabiki's life, since Nabiki was found to be a child prodigy and needed special attention to ensure she lived up to her potential. With both parents so involved with their other children, Kasumi tended to be overlooked. She went off to college, but most of the family's money goes towards special schooling for Nabiki and training equipment for Akane. Kasumi had to get a job to help pay for college. So she strips on the weekends. It provides more than enough money for college and gives her the attention she desires. Truthfully, she's fairly well-adjusted, just a bit of an exhibitionist."

"Oh." said Ranma trying to add strippers as well-adjusted people to his worldview. "How did she get so?" His hands made vague movements and gestures that actually spelled out 'help my duck is on fire' in American sign language, but the Genie knew what he meant.

"Oh, she's always been that shapely. In fact, I believe she's even better curved here, than she was there. Here she gets plenty of exercise and has a well-balanced diet, while there she eats what most college students eat and spends the majority of her time studying."

Ranma's eyes took up half his face. "Better?"

The Genie nodded. "Oh, yes. She just covers it here by dressing the way she does, but we're getting off topic. As I was saying, my powers are limited to a degree. No killing or changing people into someone else, no bringing back the dead, and last but not least, no wishing for more wishes."

Ranma nodded, it seemed reasonable. "I wish I was male all the time."

The Genie nodded and wrote it down on a notepad. "Next?"

Ranma blinked. "No fancy light shows?"

"Not until we get all three wishes. Once we get all three we can figure out the best way to grant them to get you everything you want."

The Genie paused for a moment. "In fact, if I may suggest a couple of things you may have overlooked we should be able to improve your life by quite a large margin."

Ranma nodded. "OK, then I want the curse removed, my fiancé problem taken care of and..."

Ranma shrugged. "That's all I got."

The Genie nodded. "Have you considered having all the physical and mental damage your father has inflicted you with fixed?"

"Damage? When did Pops hurt me?" He asked confused.

"Well you're a bit smaller than you should be and the neko-ken's easily one of the most mentally damaging techniques I've ever witnessed."

"You can fix all that?!" Ranma sputtered, shocked that he had never considered it.

The genie nodded absently while figuring out something on his tablet. "Yes, I think I'll be able to grant all four of these was just the three wishes. Not a complete success, but I can get you about 85 of the way. The rest will be up to you. You game?"

Ranma smirked. "Bring it on!"

The genie grinned. "Good. First a health elixir, mixed with some regeneration potion, topped with just a touch of growth potion."

Ranma caught the glowing green vial, the genie tossed him and downed it. "Can't be worse than the tomboy's cooking."

Ranma screamed and curled up into a little whimpering ball on the floor just seconds after imbibing the magical brew.

The genie glanced down. "That's not supposed to happen. What's wrong?"

Taking in Ranma's new size and the clothes he was wearing being quite a few sizes smaller then would be remotely comfortable he winced. "Sorry."

A quick incantation and some medicinal alcohol and Ranma was back on his feet and glaring.

The genie winced again. "Sorry about that, I didn't realize you'd grow that much." 'Maybe a tad too much growth potion.'

Ranma blinked. "What are you talking about?"

The genie scratched a nonexistent eyebrow. "Take a look at your new size."

Ranma pulled out the waistband of his pants. "Looks about the same as always." 'A bit red from being crushed.'

The genie slapped himself in the head. "Not that size! I mean your over all size."

Ranma examined himself. "I don't see any difference."

"Look around."

"Hey, everything shrunk!"

The genie chuckled. "The potion was a bit more successful than I thought it would be. You've grown quite a bit, I never imagined you'd top 7 ft."

"Whoa, I'm taller then Kuno!"

"Now for the mental scarring." The genie's hands glowed with power. Speaking a tongue foreign to man he called, "Yo, Bast! A little help down here. He's got his soul twisted into a feline configuration, class seven and it's not syncing properly with his base human matrix."

Ranma's form shrank in a reverse of his previous change with his clothes shrinking to match, as his hair seemed to spread across his skin leaving him quite a bit shorter and covered in fur. He twitched, as he reached up and felt the tip of a very pointed ear. "Umm... I am a cat?!" 'No fear, but I'm a cat?'

"Relax, Ranma. This isn't a permanent change. You can change back and forth at will. It'll take a bit of training and exposure to moonlight, but with your drive, you should have it down by the next full moon."

Ranma relaxed a little. "Doesn't this kinda undo what you just did to fix me?"

"Not at all. This form is smaller than your other form because it's based on a house cat, but the size of your original form doesn't change."

"Huh?" Ranma scratched the back of his now furry head in confusion.

"Your human form is still over 7 ft. tall, it's only in this form you're smaller, just like your curse, only the size difference is about 2 1/2 feet." The genie explained.

"Oh, okay."

"The last wish is the most challenging. I can send you somewhere where no one can find you, which will take care of your fiancé problems. Before you say anything let me explain. You have far more fiancées then you know. Your father engaged you to another girl about every three months on the average and I don't just mean while on the trip. He's engaged you to six people here as well, not including the Tendo's. For instance he's engaged you to both Kunos."

"Both?" Ranma looked a little green.

"Along with Mousse, who hopes to use it is leverage to keep you away from Shampoo or failing that to be able to join you in marriage to Shampoo. Yuka and Sayuri, who don't want you to interfere in their relationship with Akane. Azusa was engaged to you by her parents, who think she'll make more friends and get out more being engaged to you. I wish I could give you some good news, but the last two or even worse. Nabiki has two blank engagement contracts, one for Ranma and one for Ranko, which she plans to auction off to the highest bidder."

"That's... That's..." The cursed martial artist was almost rendered speechless by the dishonesty of the two thorns in his side.

"Insane, abominable? I quite agree. No matter what you do, you're family' s honor is completely gone, and the situation is only getting worse. The only way to resolve the situation without massive amounts of bloodshed is to remove you from the world and I'm the only option other than seppuku. I can send you to a world where magic and were-felines are much more common."

"Fuck!" Ranma said, in an uncharacteristic burst of profanity.

The genie nodded. "Pretty much, but even without the curse and all the fiancées I'd have suggested sending you anyway. I just can't see you being happy here. Would you really find running a dojo or any other mundane job fulfilling?"

Ranma sighed heavily."Not really, but what else is there? It's not like there's a section in the paper reading: Adventurer wanted, must be able to handle dragons. Knowledge of the modern world not needed. Experience rescuing maiden a plus."

"Actually, where I intend to send you that's a common ad."

"Really?" Ranma perked up.

"Of course. I intend to send you to a world where you can get control of your curse, if not cure it completely and fit into society comfortably."

"Let me pack my bag." Ranma vanished from sight with a sudden crack of displaced air and a rapidly fading black and red after image hanging in the air.

Ranma blurred into action packing everything he owned and some of his father's stuff he didn't, before sprinting back to the dojo, pausing only to give Kasumi goodbye hug and kiss that were far more forward then he normally would have dared, but Kasumi-There had really made an impression on him.

Kasumi just stood there stunned and wondering two things, who the cat boy was and why he had her favorite colors in glitter sprinkled on his eyebrows. 'Was that his tongue?'

OK, three things.

The genie began chanting and waving his arms in what Ranma assumed was a eldritch manner the moment Ranma arrived.

As a cold wind began to blow through the dojo and the world around him began to fade, Ranma thought of something and quickly yelled it out. "I know I already used my wishes, but can you make sure Kasumi-there is OK? Gets what she wants, ya know what I mean?"

The genie's final words echoed in the air as they both vanished from Nerima, never to be seen again. "As you wish."

AN: I have a huge storyline planned for this… but I'm not sure how long it'll be till I get to it.


	2. Chapter 2

As the world began to reform around him, Ranma took a deep breath, enjoying the multitude of new sensations that bombarded his recently enhance senses.

The rapidly fading trace of Kasumi scent filled him with a sense of loss/yearning that he quickly buried before it reached his conscious mind.

The air smelled fresh and clean and full of life. He could hear animals rustling in the underbrush. He could see... a butterfly!

The genie waited patiently while Ranma raced around the clearing, chasing butterflies and generally acting like a kitten, with much amusement only interrupting and bringing Ranma back to himself when he started stalking a group of fairy dragons.

"Ahem. Ranma, I really don't think that's a good idea."

"Huh?" Ranma stopped crouching and blinked, as he straightened up and rubbed the back of his head, mortally embarrassed that someone had seen him acting like a little kid.

The genie nodded at Ranma's look of embarrassed comprehension. "You have a completely new set of instincts to get used to, as well as a new appendage."

The pod of fairy dragons fluttered off unnoticed, as they realized their game of tag with the feline was finished before it began.

"New appendage?" The newly feline martial artist asked, wondering what the genie was talking about.

"Yes, a new appendage. Specifically **that** one." The genie pointed near Ranma's left leg.

Glancing down and seeing a furry snakelike creature, Ranma pounced barely missing it as it dodged behind him. Continuing to spin, he struggled to keep the lightning fast thing in sight. Hopefully it wasn't poisonous, because its strategy was damn hard to beat! It stayed close to his body so he couldn't hit it without risking hitting himself and it changed directions with a speed that was uncanny. It was like it was reading his mind!

Reversing his spin, he leapt in the air only to find the creature had matched him. Ranma realized he was dealing with a truly cunning foe. It had a two pronged strategy that was nearly unbeatable, stick close to the prey and make a damage itself or failing that, eventually the prey would wear itself out leaving itself open for whatever this sneaky little predator had in mind!

'Well, Ranma Satome doesn't lose!' Ranma thought to himself as he landed, reaching blindly behind him with one hand, trying to scare his foe out from hiding.

Success!

It's head and a decent amount of body shot forward between his legs as he'd planned, right to where his other hand was waiting. Grasping the body of the creature he gave a mighty yank and yowled in fury as it tripped him to the ground.

Laying flat on his back he watched it lash the air furiously above him, unable to escape his two fisted grip. He jerked his head to the side and held it an arm's-length as he tried to figure out how it fed. He couldn't see any form of mouth or even eyes for that matter, creepy! It looked like it was defenseless except for its dodging ability. A twist of ki in the air made him rethink that as it blurred and was suddenly wrapped around a mallet.

The last thing Ranma saw before unconsciousness claimed him was a rapidly descending mallet. Strangely enough, he felt it was a comforting sight, as at least **this** he was used to.

The genie stared at the young man's limp form as Ranma's tail dropped the mallet and collapsed to the ground.

He knew feline types the claimed their tail had a mind of its own (usually after it had knocked something over or rubbed against someone in a sensitive area), but this was the first time he'd seen someone's tail beat them senseless.

He was still staring as Ranma woke up and yelled "I wanna rematch!"

"Ranma," the genie venture gently, noting that restoring 85 percent of someone's sanity still left them 15 percent insane and Ranma had learned to do quite a lot with very little. "Perhaps declaring a vendetta against your tail isn't the most productive or indeed sanest use of your time."

"Tail? I have a tail?"

"Yes, Ranma. You are a cat and cats have tails. Only in human form will you be tailless." He explained patiently, wondering if fast forwarding through the slow bits while watching Ranma's life had been a mistake.

"So I just kicked my own ass?" Ranma kipped to his feet and dusted himself off.

"Yes and then it kicked back... Hard."

Ranma chuckled and rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Sorry about that. I don't know what came over me."

The genie sighed. "It's a combination of things. The potion I gave you has repaired the physical damage to portions of your brain and that will affect your behavior. Being changed into a different species with a whole new set of instincts will affect your behavior. I've also moved us back in time by a small amount and made you a bit younger to help prevent the Amazon contingent from ever being able to track you magically and as you can guess..."

"Being younger is gonna affect my behavior." Ranma finished.

"Exactly! Fortunately one of your best qualities is your ability to adapt to new situations. So really it's just a short-term problem."

"So what's next?"

"Next we have to move you approximately 20 miles that way," the genie announced pointing to a dark patch of woods. "And due to several treaties, we can't use magic to do it. You could, no doubt, make it on foot in a matter of days, but we really need you to arrive in the next five minutes or so."

Ranma stroked his chin thoughtfully as his tail wrapped itself around the dropped mallet and pushed it into his hands. Ranma started for a moment, but then began to grin. "You ever play golf?"

"Sure, my wife and doctor got together and planned several 'stress relieving' activities for me to do on the weekends, of which that is one, to help reduce my high blood pressure. I can't say that it's helped any, it's a frustrating game."

"You any good?" Ranma's grin grew wider.

"Quite good. I took third place in the last tournament against people who have spent centuries honing their skills. Why?"

"Cause I know a quick way to travel that don't require magic at all. All you gotta do is aim carefully."

"You don't mean?" The genie asked uncertainly.

Ranma nodded. "Don't worry about the landing, I've logged more air time than most pilots and I've learned some tricks to soften my fall."

"But I'm supposed to help you, not harm you." The genie protested.

Ranma snorted. "If you watched my life then you know I've been launched into the wild blue about once every three days on average and it's never taken me more then a week or two to develop a counter to any move used on me. Hell, I don't even have to be awake to focus my ki into the right shape, I just gotta hear the words."

'The words?' The genie thought absently as he began seeing things weren't quite as bad as they had appeared to be for Ranma, although they were still quite intolerable. 'I think being freed from all the pressures and responsibilities of his life has driven him a bit mad. I imagine it's rather like being sentenced to the electric chair and instead of throwing the switch they suddenly tell you it's all been a mistake and let you go.'

"On a good day, Akane could send me 17 miles in one blow and with that much time in the air I could land as gently as a feather. It's the short trips where I don't got time to prepare myself for landing that hurt. So what do you say, Wanna go for the record?" Ranma's grin was infectious.

'Maybe 85 percent wasn't enough,' the genie thought to himself as he practiced swinging the mallet a few times 'Or maybe sanity is more like being pregnant, you simply are or you aren't. At any rate I think it's catching. I cant believe I'm letting him talk me into this.'

"Well if you're sure you'll be ok."

The genie wet a finger and stuck it in the air, checking for crosscurrents. 'I can do this. It's not that hard a shot. Just think of it as shooting out of the sand trap with a particularly bad lie and an oddly shaped ball.'

"You know the words." Ranma stated and stuck out his chin invitingly.

The genie nodded and took a deep breath, brought the mallet back like a golf club and swung yelling "Ranma no baka!"

**thwack**

The genie dropped the mallet and began dancing (the lack of legs was made up for by generous use of his arms) in place yelling "Hole-in-one! Eat your heart out Arnold Palmer!"

'That was much more relaxing than yelling fore.'


End file.
